#083: The anticipated nostalgia of summer

A diary entry of sorts and my Cape Cod travel guide

Every summer, I chronically think about how little of summer is left before it is even over. I’m told this is called anticipatory nostalgia, and I know this because someone talked about it on this subreddit I read from time to time.

Anticipatory nostalgia can basically be described as the sense of sadness we feel about having to leave a beautiful place while we’re still there or stop doing something wonderful before it actually ends. My sister said that she feels this even when she’s with people—the thought of no longer being with them will make her miss out on enjoying the present moment of being with said people. It’s a cousin to preemptive grief and it is generally a not so nice feeling but I also know it to be a sign that I am extremely attuned to the value of the moment, place, and company I’m with. It heightens my appreciation of the present and helps me better understand the importance of the experiences and people in my life.

I started thinking about extending my trip to Cape Cod with my sister before we were even halfway done with the trip. And every day that went by, I kept mulling on whether or not I should stay longer until the day we were supposed to leave came and I decided I wanted to stay longer, only to find out that our perfect little bed and breakfast was unavailable and I couldn’t bear staying anywhere else.

In the end, my sister and I went to Boston, our birth city, for an extra two days. And while the last minute scrambling to make a decision didn’t detach from the beauty of the trip, it did make the trip back home to New York feel wistful. And the subsequent days that followed were filled with deep longing to go back on vacation. Even writing this now, three weeks after the trip and in between reading various headlines that include the words “pre-fall”, “transition dressing”, “in between” (I’m going insane reading these, btw), I’m mourn what I declare to be the best time of the year and the summer is still going strong as we speak!!! Ugh!!!

This trip made me realize how much I genuinely like spending time with my sister (and this was after she was bunking in my apt in New York for a full month prior to our Cape Cod trip) and just how lucky we are. I don’t know if I want kids but if I do, I must have sisters. I have also been entertaining the idea of buying a coastal home in lieu of a farmhouse upstate, which has more to do with my ever-changing idealized fantasies and less to do with me actually wanting this coastal home.

I like this trait about myself: fully leaning into a time and place even if it’s short-lived because that’s how you keep things exciting and beautiful. Everything is the best. Everywhere new is better. Until you remember the other place is also the best! Dressing like a coastal grandma while eating oyster that were harvested moments before is part of this whole ethos of leaning in. It was the best time but I’m also ready for the next best time.

Anyways, I know the streets are saying summer is almost over, but it’s literally not. Here’s a visual diary of the outfits I wore, the oysters I ate, and the places I loved.